Thursday, 3 July 2014

Feeling Like a Work in Progress


Do you ever feel a bit like a 'work in progress'? Lately I've been feeling like this a lot. Whilst I'm happy about several aspects of my life, there are still a lot of things I want to improve, and I feel like I'll never be truly happy until I do. 

Every night, before I go to sleep, I lie in bed and think about my 'perfect' life. I think about how I'll have the perfect figure, a nice house, a good job (preferably blogging full-time), a successful novel in the pipeline and my boyfriend and my dog by my side. Of course, the house is decked out with florals, Cath Kidston, all the pastel crockery you can imagine and snazzy appliances like KitchenAids and Roberts Radios. I'll have my own personal office, complete with iMac (which I thankfully already have), bookcase full of inspirational stories and my very own physical Pinterest board hanging on the wall. I'll go travelling thanks to my blog and I'll be able to afford holidays of my own, several times a year. I'll be able to travel to London regularly for events, and spend more time working with brands and bloggers I love. 

A lot to ask, right? Probably, but I can't help hold onto the dream. And whilst it pushes me to persevere, it also leaves me feeling really depressed. I feel like my dream is unrealistic and it'll never come true, and I'll never have that feeling of 'content' that I'm so desperate for. You see, that's the thing that I'm really lusting after. Forget the house and the office and the holidays - what I really want is to feel at peace with myself and content with my life. Right now I don't feel like that. I feel a bit stuck, very lost, and, more than anything, terrified about where my life is going. 

After university I expected I'd land my dream job, move to London and live happily ever after. However, things change. Plans change and life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Jobs are ridiculously hard to get, and after graduating you are literally thrown into the scary 'real world' and forced to scramble for a job - any job. But even then jobs are hard to find, and I think we're left with a generation of lost souls wondering what will become of them. 

I'm worried that I won't achieve half the things I wanted to. I'm frightened that because I'm holding on to the dream of blogging full-time, I'm missing out on other opportunities and making a career for myself elsewhere. I'm terrified that I'll look back on my life and feel overwhelmed with regret, and I feel like I need to stop dreaming and start living. But it's not always that easy, is it? 

I'm not entirely sure where this post is going, but I felt the need to vent. I know a lot of us twenty-somethings feel the same way, so I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling like this. We're all still trying to figure it out, and that's okay. As the saying goes, 'nobody has it all together in their twenties', and whilst 12-year-old me hung on to the dream of me living the high-life by the ripe old age of 22, it's okay that that isn't the case. I also want to add that whilst it's great to have dreams, as they keep you determined, they can also be detrimental. Don't get so wrapped up in your dreams that you lose the bigger picture. As Albus Dumbledore said; 'It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.' 
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26 comments

  1. Hi Hannah! I just wanted to let you know you're totally not alone in feeling like this. I think especially blogging you just see a lot of what you want to achieve- we're forever reading successful blogs and highlight reels of people's lives. In reality, everybody struggles and feels discontent sometimes. Just keep going and keep working..and remember for some people what you have is their dream! I'd love to have as many followers as you!

    Annabel xx

    http://www.annadorabel.com

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  2. Aw Hannah, I know the feeling! I too constantly think about my 'perfect life' and then get myself down as I'm no where near achieving it. I always feel like they're aspects of my life that I want to change and improve, and like you said, it's like a work in progress which seems never ending! It's good to have goals and dreams but as this post puts across perfectly, you really can't spend too much time worrying about them as it'll make you unhappy. Don't worry Hannah, you'll find that feeling of content one day, whether it's whilst living your perfect life or doing something completely different x

    What Rachael Wrote

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  3. Thank you for venting, I am currently feeling a little like this myself! Having just finished Uni finding a job - any job - is proving very difficult! And my dream has always been to write, but I am so unmotivated. But I am sure if we keep going, one day we can achieve all our dreams and goals, they might just change a little along the way! xx

    myunforecastedstorm,blogspot.com

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  4. I really liked reading this, Hannah! I wrote something similar about feeling scared of feeling content which is along the same lines. I think we're all a work in progress to be honest, and it's good to have goals as well as perspective of your goals. I sat down and wrote myself a 5 year plan last month which really helped me to remember that I won't be able to just have everything I want at once. It helped me to work out smaller steps towards what I eventually want though! It's good to be a work in progress and work things out along the way (:

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  5. I know exactly what you mean! I'm in between uni and my grad job and I just feel really stunted :(
    Blog of Bits and Bobs // A UK Beauty and Personal Style Blog
    xoxo

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  6. I probably speak for mainly people when I saw you're not alone, I feel like this a lot so it's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling lost. I suppose we just have to see where life takes up and take opportunities!

    www.aliciajadex.com

    xxx

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  7. Believe me you are not alone. 17 year old me thought 22 year old me would be sorted - and I'm pretty far from it! xx

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  8. I know exactly how you feel, when I started uni I thought I knew what I wanted and now I haven't got the slightest clue! Deciding what to do for the rest of our lives really isn't as easy as what we all think it is!
    www.paigeviolet.blogspot.co.uk xx

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  9. Hannah it's completely normal to feel that way and I think I've heard even someone calling it mid-twenties crisis. We are suddenly out in the 'real world' like you said and all the responsibilites are daunting, especially with the economy as it is. Believe me I know how you feel and I always feel depressed when I check my Facebook and see how many of my friends from uni or school have achieved. But then my loved ones - husband, mum, or even a friendly soul tell me how much I have actually achieved and saw! I know many, many people who are afraid to travel, who are afraid to try something new - and I already saw so many things and had so many experiences - and I KNOW you did too. :) Think how much you've achieved with your blog alone, to how many cool events you went to - not many people can say they've been at ASOS HQs, etc. Sometimes it's just good to take a breather, disappear for a little while and remind ourselves the things we take for granted. I recently went to Poland for my holidays and it was so refreshing! No one cared about the latest beauty release, stats and how many followers I had... It's completely different world and I've forgotten about it. So I vowed not to compare myself so heavily to other amazing bloggers. Taking baby steps, but I am taking them and it makes me feel better. :) X

    Mademoiselle-Lala.com

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  10. This post is like a glimpse into my future. When I finish college I want to move to London and land a dream job as a makeup artist for film and tv as well as blogging. As you seem to know, it's not so easy. I wish you the best of luck, I know it must be hard but you're always working towards something even if it's not clear yet!

    www.pookybanana.com

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  11. You’re not alone! Don’t let it beat you down. You have to keep going and grab every opportunity!

    www.britishbeautyaddict.com

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  12. I totally get what you're expressing here: I think everyone of us feels the same at one point or the other, for more or less time. I, for example, feel stuck in the impossibility to make my degree closer, wanting to find a job without letting my studies go and wanting a house with my boyfriend. None of this is impossible in the medium term, but I'm not getting done any of these things and makes me feel rubbish, honestly! But I will make it, you will make it! Just try to avoid letting any opportunity go ;-)

    gyudynotesofbeauty.blogspot.com

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  13. OMG...i know this feeling. Wanting to live a perfect life, but in reality it ends up staying a dream. Make small steps, not giant leeps & keep focused !! Nice i'm not the only one.
    misspaperfection.blogspot.com

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  14. I feel like this sometimes, but your life is the result of the choices you make and the things that happen and I have come to realise that the only thing you can do is make the best of what you have x

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  15. Great post Hannah - I know a lot of twenty-somethings will be able to relate to this post (myself included). Just step back and take a look what you HAVE achieved. Don't put so much pressure on yourself and things will slowly fall into place xxx

    www.beautytoolkit.blogspot.co.uk

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  16. Hi Hannah! I really love your blog but haven't commented before, however this post could literally have come straight from my own head, I identify with this so much.
    I feel the exact same way most of the time and the thing is loads of the things I sit and dream about would actually be so achievable if I just got up and done something about them! So I'm trying to start doing instead of wishing, even a tiny step in the right direction is something, right? :)
    I think I speak for mostly everyone especially of our age though in saying we definitely do need to not put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect...definitely people need goals and dreams but not to the point of them taking over our actual lives we have now!
    It's so comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels this way! :)
    xxx

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  17. Such an honest post and it really sums up how a lot of people feel. I'm in a bit of a rut at the moment and not sure what to do career wise. I just don't have a clue. It's so hard to achieve your dreams but hopefully if we all keep working on them maybe it will all work out in the end!

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  18. I feel the same way even though I'm only 15! I have my whole life ahead of me but now that I'm staring to look at colleges I'm afraid I'll go to the wrong one or chose the wrong major for me and ruin my plans of having a life I'm happy with!
    Best of luck,
    Mackenzie (www.missmackanne.blogspot.com)

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  19. This is such an honest post which I can relate to so much! You're not on your own sista and you have an audience reading your blog, and hopefully something full time will come of that!

    I've recently wrote a post on internet dating (I'm new to the blogging thing) so if anyone would like to have a read, please do :)

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  20. Hi Hannah, your post really struck a chord with me. I'm constantly frustrated about my career in particular, and the difficulty I have achieving what I want out of it; especially living outside of London. Though I have a job, which I'm thankful for, I graduated 6 years ago and just assumed I'd be doing a job I love straight away. It doesn't help that I still don't know what I want to do, and every job I apply for has another 80 people wanting it too! Sometimes it gets me down, but I try to think about the reasons I sacrificed better career opportunities and moved back to my home town from a stint in London (family), and the other exciting things that have happened instead (meeting my fiancé), and I guess it's important to remember that not many people have the perfect life. Social media and blogs and everything we're exposed to only portray ideals, and actually most of the time life isn't like that. Spending some time living in a simpler way, or seeing how others (perhaps less fortunate people) live can be a starting point for getting things into perspective. It's a tough old journey though, I agree! It certainly feels like we a 'lost generation'. Especially as you get further away from the delightful innocence of childhood! Keep at it xx

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  21. You're definitely not alone here - it's so easy to become caught up in dreams and lose focus on what you have. I ended up looking for a job, any job, after graduating, and although I have a job that I enjoy, it's not what I saw myself doing after completing two degrees and it's definitely not what I want long term! It's so easy to become disillusioned with the whole thing but you have to remember that hard work pays off, so just keep doing what you're doing and take things one step at a time :)

    Jess xo

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  22. I know exactly where you're coming from with this. Whilst I've never had a plan as such I expected my life to come together after university. Instead I've had to move back home after living with my boyfriend for 3 years because we can't afford to rent anywhere of our own and while I have a job at the moment I am currently facing been unemployed for the second time since leaving uni last year. Sometimes I feel like it should be my turn to get a little bit of what I want and that my life isn't where I expected it to be at nearly 23!

    Lauren | Bits and Bobs xx

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  23. I feel like this at the moment. I have so many things I want to do and strive to achieve but being in ill health is kind of putting a spanner in the works. A work in progress is the perfect way to desribe this 'limbo' stage I'm at! Thanks for sharing this xx

    Hayley-Eszti | www.hayleyeszti.blogspot.com

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  24. I love this. I felt this just after uni. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing with my life and I saw all my friends get there lives together and I just felt useless. So then I just focused on making money with whatever job possible and instead of worrying what I'd be or worrying about getting my dream job, I just got a job as a waitress earned as much I could to get my own house and then by doing this I ended up becoming a manager and my dream job changed. I always thought I'd work in fashion but now I'm a restaurant manager and I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I did blog on the side and one day I would like to be a full time blogger but if it's not meant to be then it won't be.
    My advice would be to set daily goals and things like by December I'll have a deposit saved for a house etc but make them realistic. Sometimes if you stop worrying and just do, things kind of fall into place. But just know you're not alone and not everyone's got their shit together.

    Hope you figure it all out :)

    hcozens.blogspot.co.uk

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  25. Hi Hannah!

    We are the same in this.

    I recently graduated in June this year, Managed to bag a job in my degree subject (Graphc Design), but hated it and wasn't treated the best, so got out of it whilst I could. Now i am back being unemployed again, looking for part time retail jobs for the time being and hopefully freelancing on the side. Freelancing and working from home can be seen as a pipe dream, however its what I WANT to do and I hope to live this dream.

    I think us 20 something ( I am also 23!) do dream big..but I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing like the media seems to think it is!

    Your blog is fantastic, I see you going in to big things!

    Heres to the dreamers!

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